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| December 17 -18, 2005
"So lets recap what happened while
trying to see you guys for the show... We got really lost stopped and
asked for directions from not 1 but 2 pot heads, who followed us, and
eventually led us back to the right street (we could have been
raped!!!) Then we had to walk a block (we could have been kidnapped or
raped!) to find where we were supposed to be. Then we followed
Fred/Anthony and Brett back to Justins house. On the way to Justin's
house Fred/Anthony goes from the right lane into the far left lane
causing us to get flipped off (not cool) because we had to follow.
After Fred/Anthony came to an intersection curving either right or
left, he went into the middle with a cop RIGHT THERE, (we could have
gotten pulled over) and again we followed. Then we got hungry TACO
BELL, where Tom and Ezra decide to play bumper tag all the way there
(we could have gotten whiplash), in the drive through with Brett on the
hood of the car (he almost lost his leg) and back (Nathan almost
spilled his soda) Then it took us 45 min to leave, ("We're leaving this
time...for real!") Nathan bought us CD's  and 45 min to leave again.
We got in the car and put the CD on, (whoa we can understand him!)
Things are going smoothly and we know where we are, and after a quiet
12 min another song begins to play (Which scares the crap out of both
of us) Then we got lost on the way back, but managed just the same. And
once we figured out where we were going we hit a bump in the road, and
we heard a loud screatching noise (we thought we broke the car) which
turned out to be the CD. So in conclusion you almost got us killed,
raped, kidnapped and scared sh*tless, but we had fun anyway."
Dani that was awesome, and i was worried we wouldn't get along ha!
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| Scotty text me last night a couple texts later
I called him, it was much easier, and we talked for a pretty long
time, catching up and just joking around. It was the first time I
talked to Scotty since the Halloween retreat, and other then a few people, pretty
much the only one.
The first 2 weeks after camp are always the
ones where everyone talks every night. Then it
slows down
to every other, every couple, once a week, then eventually so
little. I don't know how everyone else is, but I find myself
wishing that I had kept in touch with everyone better. I find
some of my best friends, people I get along with the best, outside of
my own school, town and even county. Yet those people can
sometimes be the hardest to keep in touch with, just because they
aren't around as much.
Although these people aren't here with me, I can
always talk to them, finding more trust in them while they are the
farthest away, then a person who lives in my own town. No matter
how far, or how long it has been since I last talked to that person, if
something was going on, I could always find safety in anyone of them.
In my small little town there are so many
people. Yet I find it so much harder to trust any of them, the
way I do people from anyone of my camps and such. Now that's a
scary thought. Scary to me anyway. The people I see
everyday are the ones I put the least trust in, and are the ones that
seem to let me down the most. Although I care about all of my friends
and I'm there for anyone of them, are they all there for me?
So every once in a while I catch myself reading a
little bit about you, trying to find anything that I can, I'm still
looking for hope. Every time I find nothing. Nothing to ease the
feelings I have. The tears feel like they are building up and a
few drip down onto my shirt leaving little drops of water that stain
for a while then disappear. I wish I knew where they go to, maybe
one day it will take my feelings with them, but for now nothing.
Right when those tears build up, there is this
feeling I have which is hard to explain. A scared or nervous
feeling that goes through my body as if I had the chills, making me
feel worse then I had started. This is when the tears begin to
fall. Every conversation we have makes me wish I could be
with you, and every picture I see makes me numb. I remember the
times we shared you and me together, and realizing that they are only
my dreams makes me want to die.
If I had the chance to do it all over, there is only
one thing I would have changed, one specific night. That night I had a
few choices, but I did what seemed to be the right thing. Looking
back on that night I'm sorry I let you go. That night hurt so
bad, and I cried for so long.
Crying what is that? Surely something I do not
do. Yet I've cried over you. Over the arms in which I felt
so safe in, the eyes that made me feel so warm every time I looked into
them. The way you looked at me, and there was no doubt in my mind
that you cared, or your smile so loving. The way you could make
me smile, and feel, not a care in the world, nothing could touch me,
there was no such thing as pain. Your laugh, something which can
put on smile on anyone's face. There are some many things I could
say about you, but it would eventually become a book instead of an
entry. The amount of times I think about you just become worse as the
days go by. On day I pray to get a second chance, so please
remember me in the future, I'm here, I'm waiting...
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| Deanna called me up today and we watched a movie, as
the movie played I had so many thoughts. Thoughts of me thoughts
of you, and I started feeling pretty bad about them. The
movie of course had a love story, like any chick flick( )
and even one of the characters started to look like you. Thats
the point where I was ready to die, when i got home a friend IMed, as
we talked, she said something, which should have been one of the
greatest things to hear, but hurt so much. I'm home missing you
so badly, and theres really nothing I can do about it. I'd be
willing to do so much, for you, just to be with you that it's
disgusting. I'm not familiar with this feeling, and I don't know
how to go about coping with it. Theres only so much one person
can do, and I'm almost positive that I'm human, which makes it so
theres only so much I can do.
Of course you will never know who you are, and its
better that way, I once heard some one say, "I would love to be
retarted, they are always so happy". And its true, they are
completely oblivious to so many things, and with that in mind, how
could you ever be sad. Theres always something to be happy about,
I'm glad I got to meet you, a person who has completely changed my
life, but who will never know they did. I pray to GOD that one
day I can be with you, although the chances are slim to none.
When I first met you I was scared out of my
mind. At that paticular point in time things were far from great,
and there were times when I wished I were dead. You showed up and
made everything right. Those were times that I thanked god
for you being in my life. Now it seems that the only times I have
are the ones where I'm cold and helpless, and you are to far to
remember me, or even look back. You seem happy in your new place
and with that in mind don't look back, you are happy and thats what
counts. No matter what should happen, always be happy. If
one day you should look back and see me, I'm here, I'm waiting, no
matter what theres always a place for you.
Love: a quality or feeling of strong or constant affection for and
In Love: feeling love for and devotion toward someone
What if this is truely how I feel about you?
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Congratulations,
you scored Mindfuck.
You've probably seen a lot of movies, and have
grown to hate mainstream shit. You're looking for the movie that will
leave you breathless, and with 21 questions to think about. Check out:
Donnie Darko, Being John Malkovich, Pulp Fiction, Memento.
After taking a quiz it said I should check out
Donnie Darko...hahaha great movie, been my favorite for a while
now...YES! I'm awsome!!!
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| "How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the nile
On every golden scale!
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in
With gently smiling jaws!"
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